they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
