Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
