Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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