end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
