the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
