My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
