Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
