Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
