He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
