Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
