Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had sex on a roof
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
