I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
