my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Randomize
