I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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