you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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