Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
