would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your cock deserves a montage
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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