Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
