Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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