Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Found the puke drawer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
