babies were throwing up all over the place
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
