you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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