Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
