i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
