:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
