also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
