I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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