I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
