I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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