So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
