My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
