She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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