whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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