I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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