He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
