all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
