That's when you crack a 10am beer
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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