just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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