Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He passed out mid-signature
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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