I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
