I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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