can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
