woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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