Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
