Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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