I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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