hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
