i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
