i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
