last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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