i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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