shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The best revenge is premature balding
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
