I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
