he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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