You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
