Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
