Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
