All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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