so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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