oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
