I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
