Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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