If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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