I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
