ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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